Ranting fun

Okay, people keep asking what is wrong, so here it is, in full.

First off, I'm lonely. And I'm tired of it. I'm not looking for the love of my life, I just want someone to cuddle with. And I'm tired of hearing the platitudes that my friends spout all the time. I'm not going to find someone when I least expect it, I have been least expecting it for over a year. So stop telling me that.

Also, I'm slowly getting kinda pissed at the universe over the whole alone thing. I don't know why no one wants me, I am not completely unattractive, I'm smart, I have a good sense of humor, I'm easygoing, I'd be a good fucking girlfriend or cuddle buddy. But by the time I get to know a guy enough that I would be comfortable with such a thing, I've become de-genderized in his world. I'm some kind of freak girl/thing who is useless and cannot even give out proper fashion advise. All of my female or gay friends tell me that they would date me if they were interested in girls. Apparently I have to be a lesbian if I want to ever make out with someone again. Sadly, I just don't see that working. Ugh.

Then, there is the whole Jay might be bisexual thing. He's my best friend and he's at a weird floaty point in his life, and I find out about it in a paragraph long email, then I try to call, and he's hanging out with a girl. Is this "the" girl who is making him doubt his sexuality, or just some random female friend? I don't want to intrude, so I promptly make an awkward escape, and he's not answering my emails.

Also, I'm going home this weekend and I don't want to drive there alone and I'm going to have to because no one who has been there before can come with me and everyone else apparently thinks my home is a house of terror or something.

On top of that, I don't feel well, I have assloads of homework that I am just not doing because I just don't fucking want to, and when I do it my computer betrays me, I don't know what I'm doing running Changeling and I don't think anyone is having fun, and I'm missing my favorite game this week to go home and go to a wedding that I will most likely not have fun at because it is my father's side of the family and sadly, they are rather lacking in the fun or the closeness that would allow me to have fun just by being near them.