It hurts when a dream dies.

Not much of great import has happened since my last post. My job is okay, school is good, apart from all of the tests. Two more tomorrow. Woot.

Now on to the subject of my dark title. Lance emailed me today to let me know that Baily's Beads accepted one of my poems. And they rejected a lot more and a story. That was implied. And I realized what that means. It means that I'm not good enough. I'm never ever going to be a published author. Nancy was right about me. She wasn't discouraging me and giving me lower grades for twice the work because she didn't like me, even though she didn't, but because I'm very simply not good enough. I was too stubborn to admit it. It's never going to happen and it's just because I'm not a good enough writer.

I'm not going to stop writing, because it's part of who I am and because I love coming up with stories and characters and getting them down on paper, and because I like my stories. But I'm going to stop submitting things and trying to delude myself that anyone other than my friends will ever enjoy reading something I wrote. And if you're my friend and you've been lying to me about liking my stuff, stop it. I've accepted the fact that I'm not any good. You don't have to lie to protect my feelings anymore.

It's hard admitting that Nancy was right about me. I cried when I first got the email and what it meant hit me. But I can't hide from it anymore.

I'll never be an author, but I'm going to be a damn fine massage therapist. And if I hadn't gone to school for writing, I never would have met Paul or any of my other friends from college, and my life would be worse for it. So I don't regret going to school for something that I don't do well enough. At least not totally.

Cause it makes Paul happy.

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Reverend Lady Jamie the Incontrovertible of Helions Bumpstead Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

Happy Birthday Betsy!!

Today is Betsy's birthday! Woot! Happy birthday, love!

I just talked to Emily Drew, who said that she actually reads this. That's cool. It made my night. ^_^ Also, she might come and visit and that would be totally awesome.

Kyle is coming over tomorrow to get a massage, and Matt might be coming down sometime this weekend, and Scott, one of the people who went to Greece with me, just got ahold of me on AIM and he's going to be my SE next week.

We learned stretching and compression this week, along with a whole bunch of new stuff about different modalities and loads of anatomy and pathology stuff. Having both of those at the same time is going to suck because the each have a quiz every week. Blech.

All of the stuff that I ordered for myself came in. Excecpt the hot stone kit, but that's backordered. It will be here by the end of the month, I think. I have 12 new sheet sets. They are all lavander and pretty. And soft and flannel and lovely.

I think I will do my bellydance workout video now. Paul will be home soon. I miss him. My video makes me miss Savannah and Suzy, because it is the video that we used to all to together. It's a lot of fun and I really enjoy it.

Anyway, again, happy birthday, sister of my heart!

No more spending money till after my birthday...

I've been bad. But now that is done and I'm going to be good. My job starts on Tuesday and I should not only make more per hour, but it actually looks like I'll be getting more hours. So, yay, money.

On the bad side, Paul's now working afternoons, which means I never get to see him on days I work or have school. It really sucks. A lot.

Diane came over today and gave Paul a massage. Yesterday, we went out with Hilary, Ben, Dan, and one of Hilary's friends who I've been introduced to but cannot remember her name. She's cool, though. We went to see Happily Never After, which was cute. Before that we went to Walmart then we watched the Disney Robin Hood with Wendy. On Friday I gave Justin a massage and hung out with him all day. We went to Chipoltle (sp??) and Target.

School this week was good. I did two of my three Principles II presentations, and they went well, and I did well at the Half Time thing in Swedish.

Resolutions and other appropriate things

Today is the first day of the new year. 2006 was a good year for me. ^_^ I graduated from college, I moved into my own apartment with my lovely boyfriend, I made new friends, I started massage school, and I went to Gen Con. I did many other things, as well.

I've made a resolution to work out more and eat less and and so lose 15 pounds. I'm going to get my massage certification in 2007, which I'm very much looking forward to. I want to learn all kinds of cool new massage things and read a lot and submit more poetry and stories to magazines and hopefully get something published and finish some more stuff. In the travel department, I'm going to Seattle to visit Savannah.

Last night Paul, Ben, and I went out to Justin's new house. It's cool. And big. He's got more space than you can shake a stick at. And a grill. I'm pretty much jealous. But it's cool for him. And I do love my tiny apartment. We met Justin's friend Ed, who was cool, and we all went out for dinner. Don't get pasta at Chilli's. It's sub par. After dinner we came back home and we watched Carson Daily's new year's thing because we don't get ABC. Then we went to bed. I did get to talk to my parents and Lance. And Savannah. ^_^ And Hilary. So I had a nice night and got to talk to my friends. And today we're having goose with Grant and Wendy. Tomorrow I have my orientation for work. Then school on Wednesday and Thursday, then Justin is coming in on Friday and I'm giving him a massage.

I worked on Betsy this week, I need to finish filling out my paperwork. I also need to work on my presentations for Principles of Touch 2. I haven't really done much on them. I'm bad.

Damn, this weekend went fast. This whole week went fast. Crazy.

Happy New Year!!!!

That is all.